Well, I’m transitioning. No, not that way; from individual movie reviews into a bi-weekly blog. That’s right, I’m going bi. For my first stab at it, I’ve done some pellet reviews for the long, long list of movies I’ve rented in the past few weeks. I’d say I have a problem, but it’s only two bucks a pop! Thank you, RedBox! I don’t bear a grudge despite it putting my video store out of business back in 2008. But I suppose you could also blame the Great Recession; If you want to be FAIR about it!
Here goes, from newest to oldest:
Jason Bourne: I’m not a huge fan of this franchise. I enjoy the movies but don’t have strong feelings about them one way or the other. I thought this one was as good or bad as the others, which is fair praise I suppose. The story and characters are generic CIA type cyphers, but there’s some good chase sequences.
Secret Life of Pets: I love kid’s movies and animation, but this one does nothing for me. I really don’t understand why this was so popular. The characters, story, action, and humor are all utterly bland. The animation is nice but that’s the only real praise I can give. It’s just vanilla all the way through.
Blair Witch: The original seriously creeped me out, and birthed my love of found footage horror. While this one is mostly a beat for beat remake of the original, which is a disappointment, there are definitely some new elements that once again managed to seriously creep me out. So if you like the original, definitely check this out, just don’t expect them to reinvent the wheel.
Storks: I went in expecting a low grade kiddie movie, but this was much better than I expected. The animation was particularly gorgeous, the characters were interesting, and there were some really good action sequences. Definitely worth checking out!
Absolutely Fabulous the Movie: If you’re a fan of the show, it’s a solid conclusion. If you’ve never seen the show before, don’t bother.
The Magnificent Seven: I’m not a fan of Westerns, so I was predisposed to feel cold on this. The ending battle was well done, but aside from that I wouldn’t say there’s anything particularly memorable.
31 (Rob Zombie Horror): I’m a big fan of House of 1,000 Corpses and Devil’s Rejects, but this is much more forgettable.
Dad’s Army: A WWII British Homeguard comedy starring all of my favorite British actors? What could go wrong! Unfortunately it was not very funny or interesting.
Ben-Hur: Aside from a couple of inventive action scenes with great camera work, there’s really not much to write home about.
Don’t Breathe: Above average horror movie.
Pete’s Dragon: I vaguely remember liking the original as a kid. This one didn’t really work for me. It was surprisingly dark and serious with very little sense of fun. Also, Elliot doesn’t have purple fins, lol.
The BFG: Visually gorgeous to look at, but way, way too long and not a very interesting story.
Nine Lives: I was expecting something really crass and terrible, but this was actually a cute kid’s movie. It certainly has a painfully obvious message, but there’s a lot of cute gags along the way.
The Legend of Tarzan: Something about this movie just didn’t work for me. The storyline, the characters, the action, it was all just… there. Also, a lot of the CGI was very fake looking.
Ice Age Collision Course: I’m not a big fan of this series. I really only liked the 3rd one with the dinosaurs. I’d probably say this is the second best one.
Central Intelligence: Funny, but I was expecting something bigger. Not very much action.
Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates: this was a funny movie! It was particularly great to see Anna Kendrick as a scum bag.
Boy, it looks like a lot when you string it all together! Of this long list there wasn’t a lot that bowled me over. If I had to pick my favorites, I’d say: Jason Bourne, Blair Witch, Storks, and Mike & Dave. Action, horror, kids, and comedy. One of each!
